


Touched

by Thatswherethelightgetsin



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24150721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatswherethelightgetsin/pseuds/Thatswherethelightgetsin
Summary: A prompt for the Bring Back the Boosh challenge:Likes: Naboo, the Shaman Council, Gen, a good laughPairings: Open to anything but only platonic :)Prompt 1: A stag tour to Xooberon does absolutely not go as planned.Prompt 2: Howard and Vince mess with the Occult again, bad juju is afoot!So I mixed the two together (sort of): Howard goes missing again and Naboo has finally had enough of his pet humans being a complete bloody nightmare and decides to get to the bottom of why they can't go five minutes without something terrible happening to them (and thus Naboo).
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12
Collections: Bringing Back the Boosh 2020 Fic Exchange





	Touched

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BalrogofAzkaban](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BalrogofAzkaban/gifts).



> Thanks for reading - I've never written a gen story before but this was super fun. Hope you enjoy. 
> 
> Yes. I immediately planning the shippy version of this story in my head.
> 
> Thank you SO much to The-Stoned-Ranger for the amazing beta. You've been such an amazing help and support.

“It’s two days,” Naboo said, pulling on his turban. “Two days. How much trouble can they get in?”

Bollo looked at him. 

“You’re right. I’ll lock down everything and put a charm on the door.” 

Bollo looked at him. 

“Put the most dangerous books in your bag.” 

This at least elicited a response when Bollo sighed. Coming from an animal of his size, the noise was loud in the quiet of the room and clearly got his annoyance. Naboo was about to open his mouth to explain, for the four-thousand, five hundred and twenty second time, the supposed relationship between a shaman and his familiar, but Bollo chose that moment to lumber into action. He picked up a book from where it was lying on Naboo’s chest of drawers and threw it into his suitcase. Naboo eyed it, wondering what, exactly, Bollo was planning on packing in the rest of the space but ultimately decided that he didn’t really want to know. Some things were better left a mystery. 

He was just closing his suitcase when there was a shout followed by the clatter of high-heeled boots up the stairs.“Oi!” 

It could only have been Vince, but Naboo was relieved to confirm it, as there was also the small possibility the noise had been caused by a stampeding herd of goats that had somehow learnt basic English. Such was his life. Also the reason that he kept his bong within arm’s reach 90 percent of the time. He didn’t bother to sigh out loud, and, assuming that Bollo knew it was implied, walked out of his room, taking his suitcase with him. 

“Alright?” Vince asked with a little flick of his chin. His voice was strained with forced calmness. He was also sweaty and flushed, like he’d been running. His normally-perfect hair was sticking to his face in patches and his breath was still a little uneven. 

Naboo remained silent, choosing to reserve his answer until he knew what Vince wanted. He had a way of making Naboo’s general level of alright-ness take a sudden tick downward at the most inopportune moments. Instead, Naboo stared at him silently. Vince hated silence. Howard too, actually, but Vince’s reaction was to tell him everything, while Howard’s was to bluster some dickish nonsense until he ran out of steam. Naboo folded his arms to wait. 

Vince fidgeted where he stood. “Been up to much?” he asked after a moment, hands clenching at his side, like they wanted to fix his hair but he was forcing them to be still instead. 

Naboo continued to stare. The council would be by in a few minutes and he didn’t want to keep Dennis waiting. He got well tetchy if he had to find somewhere to park the carpet. It was harder than with most other humans to hold eye contact and remain unmoved. Naboo had always, from the moment he’d met Vince, found it difficult to say no to him. Most humans interested Naboo about as much as the average slug. Vince was different. Naboo didn’t know why, but he’d warmed to him immediately, despite his better instincts. He wondered at that, sometimes. Then he baked some brownies and forgot that he’d wondered. 

“What you got a suitcase for?” Vince’s voice was a little strained but he was clearly determined to keep up the pretense that he was not having a problem. 

The question posed more of an issue. Naboo really didn’t want to get into a conversation that wasn’t about whatever was bothering Vince. But, he also knew that now there were clothes in the room there - even ones packed neatly in a suitcase - would be no moving him away from the topic. “Got a stag do.” 

Vince’s expression changed at the mention of a party, a look of outraged confusion replacing his previous faux-nonchalance. “Whose? How come they didn’t invite me?” 

Naboo narrowed his eyes to indicate that he didn't want to talk about it, but also felt compelled to say, “Tony’s and because he thinks you’re a tit.”

Vince nodded as though he thought that was fair. Which was probably because it was, in fact, fair. “I thought he was already married.” 

“Why’s that matter?” Naboo bit down on a sigh. That was the frustrating thing about Vince. Naboo loved him, or as close as Naboo was physiologically capable of getting to that emotion. Vince was almost impossible not to love. Smetimes Naboo wondered why he didn’t just break his strict oath to not harm the native wildlife and murder Vinceand Howard both. But whenever Naboo considered leaving them to die at the hands of whatever monster they’d pissed off that week, he found he… couldn’t. He didn’t understand it. Perhaps it was just a physiological reaction to being on Earth for as long as he had. The air was well weird, it was probably scrambling his brain. 

“He’s a pink head,” he gritted out, “and that’s the question you have about his marital status?” 

Vince nodded again, clearly accepting the point. 

“What’s happened, Vince?” Naboo prompted again. “I ain’t got long before Dennis gets here and you know what he’s like when he’s kept waiting.” 

“Me and Howard,” Vince started,then smiled brightly. It was fake, which Vince must know Naboo would know, even if it worked on almost everyone else Vince met. “We found something in the shop-”

“You weren’t in the backroom again, were you?” This was why Saboo was always getting at Naboo for keeping pets. This was what it got you. Leave them alone for a moment and suddenly you find that they’ve scratched up all your furniture and unearthed world-ending artifacts that you’d specifically put in boxes labelled “DO NOT OPEN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, I MEAN IT YOU TITS”. 

Vince shifted again, looking down at his boots, because he was going to lie. Then he got distracted because his boots were glittery and Vince couldn’t ever not stare when something was shiny. 

“Vince,” Naboo snapped when the moment stretched on too long, “what did you and that berk do this time?” 

Vince’s head snapped up. “Nothing,” he lied quickly, then clasped his hands in front of himself. “Howard’s been taken again.” 

“Again?” Naboo snapped, dropping his suitcase to the floor and feeling a sense of satisfaction at the heavy thud it made. That was what packing the dense heart of a collapsing star got you. It was always worth the extra weight for the high you got staring at it. That and he’d make Bollo use his ape-strength to carry their luggage anyway. “That’s the third time this week.” 

Vince shrugged, helplessly. That was the other problem with pets. No matter how annoying they were, the moment they looked up at you (or down, in this case) with their big eyes, it was always impossible to stay annoyed. Not that Naboo didn’t give it a good go. He narrowed his eyes. He’d had his suspicions about Howard for years. There was something not right with the man. Other than being a giant tit 24/7, that is. Naboo didn’t spend a lot of time among humans--he might have been banished here for his ‘training’, but that didn’t actually require him to mingle with the locals. But, even he had managed, through watching telly and what he’d glimpsed at the zoo, to know that what went on with Howard and magical creatures wasn’t normal. 

Other people seemed to live their lives without ever being abducted by merpeople or taken to monkey hell. Howard, on the other hand, couldn’t last a week. And it was Howard, too. Vince didn’t seem to suffer in the same way. Sure, he got into scrapes and sometimes those scrapes involved lizard people or sentient foxes. But that was what you got for living with a shaman. He was fine on all those nights out he went on without any of them, almost like he was completely immune to whatever was making all monsters in the greater London area flock to Howard.  
There was an idea tickling at the back of Naboo’s mind. Something was not right with the whole situation. Perhaps it had never been right, but a combination of laziness, disinterest and a certain… blankness when he tried to consider it, had stopped him doing anything about it. 

But there was something going on with Howard. The occurrences with the monsters had become more frequent. And because this was Naboo and his life was generally terrible, it probably meant that whatever terrible thing was wrong with Howardwas absolutely going to ruin his weekend. 

“Bollo,” Naboo called, knowing that his familiar was hiding in the hopes that they might forget about him and let him off having to help out at all. “Bollo, get your hairy arse out here.” 

Bollo lumbered out of the room. He scowled. Or, that’s probably what he was doing; sometimes Bollo’s face wasn’t all that expressive. 

“Howard’s gone again,” Naboo said, voice flat to let everyone knew how he felt about this turn of events. 

“Tony be pissed if we no go to Malaga,” Bollo grunted. He knew, Naboo knew, Vince knew, that it was already a foregone conclusion they weren’t going, but Bollo apparently felt the need to point it out anyway. That was the role of the familiar. Probably. To be honest Naboo had skipped that lesson after he’d found some old mushrooms in his freezer and had lost all sense of space and time. 

“Who took him?” Naboo asked, looking at Vince and electing to ignore Bollo entirely. 

“I dunno,” Vince said. “Howard was in a strop again and I…” Vince trailed off and looked away. 

“What did you do?” 

“Nothing!” Vince wriggled for a moment under Naboo’s sternest stare. “Look,” he said, voice harder than it had been before. This was the real Vince, the Vince that wasn’t trying to worm his way out of anything. The change wasn’t dramatic, but Vince was emitting the no-nonsenseness attitude that meant he was no longer projecting all his charisma all over the place. For some reason, he didn’t seem to want most people to know he possessed a capable side. Naboo much preferred this version of Vince: he was less shiny this way, easier to see. “I just opened the book for a minute and Howard was the one that picked up that rock thing.” 

“Rock thing?” Naboo had almost four blissful seconds of confusion before it all clicked into place. Then his stomach plummeted to the floor along with all hope of a decent weekend of being blackout drunk or high off his tits. Or both. “The stone of Cat’ahz?” 

Vince blinked at him. “The pink one. It’s well shiny and it goes with me boots.” He pointed, as though Naboo might not be sure what boots were. Vince was right. The stone would indeed have set them off nicely. 

“That unlocks the portal to another realm.” Naboo considered keeping his voice level, but what was the point? Vince was no doubt about to say something truly terrible and he’d lose his rag anyway. 

“Ah,” Vince said, “that big pool thing? Yeah, Howard kinda tripped and fell in.”

Naboo closed his eyes but motioned for Vince to continue. 

“I went in after, but when I got there, turns out he’s got to marry their queen or something. I couldn’t really understand her through all the slime, but she didn’t seem happy to see me at all. She had her guards chase me off with them broom things. I nearly didn’t make it back to the pool, these boots ain’t really made for running.” 

Naboo nodded. “Another mystical being who wants to marry Howard,” he sighed. “Must be a bloody Wednesday.” 

“Good one,” Vince grinned, like he was genuinely amused, and he probably was. Vince was good like that. He knew how to appreciate the good things in life. 

“Right,” he said, “we better get out of here before the others arrive, I ain’t being the one to tell Tony we’ve got to go get Howard.” 

“Bollo write note,” Bollo muttered, slouching over to the kitchen to find the paper and pens Howard always kept in a drawer there. They both knew that Tony’s anger would be waiting for them when they returned, but if you asked Naboo, a problem avoided for a short period of time was a problem (temporarily) solved. 

Naboo paused, watching Vince as he fussed with his hair. “Then get the book, third down on the pile on my bedside table,” Naboo ordered. He didn’t wait for a confirmation he knew wasn’t coming. The book probably wouldn’t be needed for getting Howard back, but Naboo wanted to start looking some things up. This situation with his humans was starting to get out of control, and he needed to figure it out. Saboo would never let him live it down if the world ended because he wasn’t paying close enough attention to the morons he had working in his shop. 

“Vince,” Naboo said, slow and clear, “meet me downstairs in ten minutes, I need to have a word with Bollo.”

Chapter two 

Howard sighed, letting some of his frustration leak from his body. He supposed he was used to this part, at least. He’d been taken to a cell. Well, his captors called it a bedroom but there was no bed, just a sort of stone shelf cut into the wall. The quiet was nice, at least. Gave him time to think. He wondered vaguely about composing some poetry, but dismissed the idea almost as quickly: the circumstances weren’t quite right. The room was too dark, the floor too hard, for proper concentration. 

Instead his mind turned the same few thoughts over and over. First: when would Vince hurry up and get help? Howard had things at the shop that needed attending(Stationary Village didn’t dust itself no matter what Vince insisted when he was in charge of its maintenance). Second: he really hoped that Vince arrived before the queen came back to perform the ceremony. The word ‘consummate’ had been used distressingly often. While Howard wasn’t sure what that really meant with regards to a creature mostly made up of slime, he wasn’t sure he wanted to, either. Third: the bleak realisation that being kidnapped by monsters who want to marry him was now such a major part of his life he no longer even felt surprised. Terrified, absolutely, that hadn’t seemed to dim over the years, but not surprised. Four: things might actually be getting worse. Back in the zoo times there were adventures, yes, some of them the very stuff of nightmares. But there was less… He looked around. It all seemed a little personal these days, and while Howard would admit (quietly, to himself) that he wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t sure he deserved quite this level of awfulness either. 

He was sure that he wasn’t doing anything on purpose. He wouldn’t. He didn’t even dress to attract the attention of customers, let alone passing monsters. But that didn’t seem to help. He would have liked to blame Naboo, but it happened when he and Vince were alone too. Old Gregg was the horrific proof of that. What was more, it didn’t really seem to happen to Vince, either. There was a sinking feeling in Howard’s stomach that it might be him. That somehow he was doing something that was making all these terrible things happen to him. To Vince. The thought made him want to give himself a Chinese burn. 

Thankfully, the door to the cell began to wail as the rusty hinges were put to work. Howard climbed to his feet, just in time to see the monster that had greeted him upon his fall through the portal in the shop glide into the room. Howard shrank back against the wall, but there wasn’t really anywhere to go. Even as the monster watched him through its watery, beady eyes, Howard couldn’t help feeling that he’d done this before. Not this exact thing. There was a lot more slime than he’d ever seen in one place, for one thing. But. Still. The general vibe was definitely familiar.

“Please,” he said, as the monster continued to bear down on him, but even then he couldn’t quite escape the feeling that the words were a little… stale, “don’t hurt me, I’ve got so much to give.” 

The monster - Sharon, the internal voice that sounded suspiciously like Howard’s mother reminding him to always be polite chimed in - grunted at him. 

Howard nodded, as though the noise had made sense. “Does that mean we’ll need to postpone the ceremony?” 

She shook her great head and Howard tracked a glob of slime as it worked its way out of her hair and slid down her neck. “Need to start now. You are to be bound to me forever.”

“Hmmm,” Howard agreed, “only, the thing is, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. We hardly know each other, and I’ve been told I’m not the easiest to live with.” 

There was a subtle shift in expression as the monster… smiled? Grimaced? Glared in fury? Howard wasn’t sure and was in no mood to ask. “Living no problem. Just need magic.” 

“Magic.” Howard nodded again, then stopped, because he had no idea what he was actually agreeing with. “What magic?” 

“You,” the mon- Sharon, gestured and flicked another blob of slime towards Howard’s shoe. He looked down at it and then slowly back up to where her face might have been under the layers of ooze. 

“Me?” Howard asked, still none the wiser, but absolutely sure that it meant nothing good. 

“You have the mark,” Sharon said, or rather, gurgled.

“And what mark would that be?” Howard didn’t want to know. But, he had also done this more than enough times to know that Naboo absolutely would want to know and Howard liked to have answers. 

“You’ve been touched.” Sharon’s tone suggested that this was obvious but Howard’s mind, while it supplied any number of meanings for the statement, couldn’t produce one that made sense in context. 

There was a horrible pause where Howard couldn’t form a reply that seemed appropriate. “Not recently,” he landed on. 

“You were touched and now you have the mark,” she continued, apparently deciding that he wasn’t really needed for the conversation anyway. That wasn’t uncommon for Howard so he tried not to take offence. “I will have your lifeforce and it will open the worlds.” 

“Open them…” Howard repeated. “In a… good way?” 

Sharon probably had another cryptic response to that, but it didn’t matter because Vince barrelled through the door at that moment. He was wielding a bucket of what appeared to be soapy water but whatever it was made Sharon shriek in horror. 

The next thirty seconds would likely haunt Howard for years to come. There was a lot of screaming (some of it his) and then there was a puddle of goo where Sharon had stood just moments before. What happened between those two things, Howard didn’t want to dwell on. 

He looked up to find Vince’s face almost as stricken as his own. “That was well nasty,” Vince said. 

Howard nodded. “She wanted to drain me.” 

Vince’s face went through some complicated expressions and Howard knew all them involved making jokes that would make Howard want to throttle him. Thankfully Vince kept them to himself. “Come on,” he said instead, “Naboo is waiting outside and he’s in a right mood.”

Howard edged around the puddle on the floor and felt a momentary flicker of regret. Sharon hadn’t been a good slime monster, had probably been planning on ending the world and killing him. But still. The murder was maybe uncalled for. Howard would need to have a word with Vince about it. He’d been getting a lot more ruthless in his plans of late. It was probably time to take him aside to have a little talk about it. 

Naboo was, true to Vince’s word, waiting outside with Bollo. He had a look of intense concentration on his face. He was probably holding the portal open using his innate magic. Or he was stoned again. Both, perhaps. His eyes flicked to Howard as he passed, calculating in a way that made him feel a little uneasy. 

No one spoke until they were back in the flat. Howard put the kettle on because he wasn't sure what else he ought to be doing. Vince began to chatter away, apparently content, now they were back in their own world, that everything was back to normal. Howard wasn’t actually sure of the exact content of Vince’s words because he’d given up following after the mention of the fifth person he’d never heard of. It was nice, though, to have Vince acting as though nothing was wrong. 

“What did she say to you?” Naboo asked, eyes fixed on Howard as he took the offered mug of tea. 

“Erm...” Howard wanted to lie, the words formed, ready to go at the back of his throat. It would be safer, he thought, just to pretend the day hadn’t happened at all. He could go back to his normal life, working at the shop, being abducted by monsters every couple of days… He sighed. “She said that I’d been marked and that she wanted to drain me of my magic to open the worlds.” 

Naboo didn’t move for a long moment. “What the fuck does that mean?” 

Howard had never heard Naboo swear before. It was surprisingly disconcerting. It made his stomach churn worryingly. “I thought you would know.” 

Vince had stopped his monologue. “What’s going on?” he frowned, but Howard knew from experience that he wasn’t confused, he was annoyed. Vince didn’t like to be the last to know things. 

“Howard got magic,” Bollo said, eyes now fixed on Howard in a way that he definitely didn’t like. Bollo concentrating on things usually meant they were about to be eaten. Or squashed. Or squashed then eaten. 

“And you’re just telling me this now?” Naboo snapped, turning to glare at Bollo. 

“It hard to see under all the beige.” Bollo did sound contrite, though, which was another alarm bell. There were so many going off in Howard’s head now that he might be able to start some sort of band. “Me thought it was Vince’s magnetic personality reflecting off his pasty skin, but Howard have mark. I see it now. It not finished, half formed. Broken.” 

“Is it…” Howard started, then stopped because he didn’t want to know. But then he had to open his mouth again, because it was out there now and he couldn’t actually not know. Broken didn’t sound great, admittedly, but sadly fitting for Howard and his life. “It is… bad?” 

Naboo sighed. “Depends.” 

“Depends?” Vince asked, his voice hard in the way that meant he was more worried than angry. The thought was comforting. Lately Howard wasn’t always sure which side Vince would come down on and it was good to know that he’d chosen Howard’s side this time. There weren’t a lot of things they couldn’t handle together. 

“Broken mark could do a lot of things. Could make him explode,” Bollo said, and gestured vaguely. “Could just make him have bad dandruff.”

“It depends on the type of mark,” Naboo said. “You have any strange experiences as a kid, Howard?” 

Howard blinked, still somewhat stuck on the exploding comment. “Strange?” 

“Any encounters with monsters.” Naboo was being unusually gentle with him, which, while Howard could appreciate on an intellectual level, was actually making him more worried than ever. 

Howard paused. “No,” he said. “Nothing happened to me until I met…” He trailed off and looked over at Vince. 

There was a long pause where everyone turned their head to follow Howard’s line of sight. 

“What?” Vince asked after a moment. “Have I got shit on my face?” 

Chapter three 

Vince was bored. He was also a little nervous. He wouldn’t have thought that was possible, but his life was often full of surprises. After they’d got Howard back from that gross blob thing, Vince had been looking forward to kicking back. He was meant to be at a party, but he thought after the day he’d had, Howard might actually want to just chill out for a bit. That was happening less and less lately. If Vince didn’t have a party, Howard had an exercise class or else he was doing something boring in the shop. They hadn’t just hung out and watched telly in ages and Vince missed the simple way they used to get to hang out together without something awful happening. Instead, Naboo dragged them both out of the shop because whatever was going on with Howard was apparently somehow Vince’s fault. 

“Did you know your parents, Vince?” Naboo asked as they walked. 

It felt like they’d been walking for hours, and his boots were killing him. It was one thing to run in and kick some monster’s nuts in for taking Howard, but it was another to be expected to trek through undergrowth in them. “I told you,” Vince said, feeling petulant; he didn’t like talking about his parents and he liked having to do it over and over even less. “I never knew them. Brian said all the photos of them got burnt up on a forest fire when I was small.” 

“He didn’t talk about them?” 

“Nah,” he said, kicking at a stone. “He didn’t like to. I think it made him sad.” It made Vince sad at least, and that wasn’t far off. Brian had never liked it when Vince got upset. 

“You ever hear him talk about the fae?” Naboo’s voice was firm. Vince knew that tone from all the times he’d been told he wasn’t allowed to close the shop early just because there was a mega sale on at TopShop. He didn’t like it. But it meant that he needed to answer and be honest about it. 

“No.” Vince was pretty sure that was true. 

“Fae?” Howard asked, he was close at Vince’s side. It was nice, actually. It seemed like Howard was a little worried about him for once. That didn’t happen all that much. Vince generally took care of himself, but never minded when Howard fussed a bit. 

Naboo just pursed his lips. “It’s just a hunch. I’ve not had to deal with them much and, truth be told, I don’t want to. They look good, can lure you in with their pretty faces and spin you an even prettier tale. But they're nasty little buggers if you cross them. Terrible tempers. Very territorial. Don’t like you messing with their stuff.” 

Everyone was looking at Vince again. But, not in the usual way. There was no adoration in their gazes, no amazement for his innate sense of style. There was just… calculation. Vince didn’t like it. He felt very exposed and suddenly wished that he wasn’t wearing such a tight jumpsuit. Not that there’d been time to change. “What?” he snapped. 

Howard looked away first, back to Naboo as though embarrassed at being caught staring. Or perhaps he just knew how Vince was feeling and wanted to give him space. It was a nice thought. Howard always knew the right thing to do. Lately he’d used it to say the exact right thing to piss Vince off, but the skill was still the same. 

“Where are we going?” Howard asked again. He’d been asking for ages, but Naboo only shook his head in response. 

“I’ve got a contact,” Naboo said, with the air of someone who was definitely keeping something important from them. 

Bollo grunted suddenly and pointed to a tree. It looked the same as all the other trees, as far as Vince could tell. But then he looked again. It did look the same, but there was something about it. It was just off. He almost thought he recognised it, which was stupid because he’d never been in this forest before and had definitely never seen this tree before. But he couldn't help but feel… He wanted to touch it. He took a step towards it, but Naboo threw out an arm. 

“Don’t,” he said, “it might suck you in.” He drew himself up, which didn’t actually make him taller but Vince could appreciate the effort anyway. “Oi! Dawn! You in there?” he yelled, voice commanding. 

There was a long pause and then some rustling before the bushes to the side of the tree parted and out came… Well, she was beautiful. Possibly the most beautiful thing Vince had ever seen in his life. He blinked in surprise. This wasn’t usually how these encounters went. Usually things that came out of the undergrowth were a lot more terrifying and had much worse hair. 

“Goodness,” Howard said, a little breathless at his side. 

Vince had the overwhelming urge to point out that he’d seen her first, but what came out was, “Don’t even think about it,” and he was moving to stand in front of Howard to block the woman’s - Dawn’s - approach. “He’s not for you.”

She was tiny. Shorter than Vince without his heels, easy, but her face was glowing. Her skin care regimen must be immense. Vince made a mental note to ask her about it. And where she got her clothes. She grinned at Vince, a very knowing grin that he didn’t like at all, despite also recognising it was the best smile he’d ever seen in his life. 

“Hello Vince,” she said.

“He one of yours?” Naboo said without preamble. It wasn’t a shock, not really. Vince might like to pretend not to follow along if the conversation was boring, but he wasn’t stupid enough to ignore conversations that were about him. About how he might have accidentally hurt Howard. With magic. That, and all the talk of fae could really only mean one thing. Still. It had caught him a bit off guard, the way Naboo just came out with it like that. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that Naboo was nervous. Which was well stupid because nothing scared Naboo. 

Dawn turned her head, her shiny hair falling like a soft waterfall over her shoulder as she moved. Vince really wanted to touch it. Was it possible that..? No. She couldn’t have better hair than him. That wasn’t… He shook himself. He’d had a long day. Things were clearly getting to him. 

“No,” she said, her voice soft and light, like music. “And yes.”

“Helpful,” Naboo huffed. 

“He’s not of our realm, but that explains where Summer went for that year.” 

“Half human?” Naboo asked. 

Dawn shrugged. “I don’t think that’s how it works, Shaman. He’s human. But he’s also… not. Not entirely.” 

Vince swallowed. He didn't like that. Not at all. 

“What about him?” Naboo nodded to Howard, but Vince didn’t move out of the way to give Dawn a better look. 

“He bears the mark,” she said, with a shrug. “Half formed, though. It’s singing out of him. I could feel it from miles away. I’m surprised we’re not already overrun with unmarried fae.” 

“Can you stop it?” Naboo asked. Vince was grateful, as always, that Naboo seemed to understand what was happening, because he was totally lost. 

She shook her head, Vince clamped his hands to his sides to stop himself reaching out to touch her hair as it swayed with the movement. “He can.” She tipped her head at Vince. “It’s his.” 

“But he can't control it,” Naboo pointed out. 

“No,” Dawn agreed. She narrowed her eyes in thought. It made her even lovelier and Vince felt a stab of longing so strong that he almost took a step forward. He might have if not for the counterweight of concern that it would leave Howard directly in her sights. He wasn’t sure how he knew that he couldn’t leave a clear path between her and Howard, but he did. Howard must have too, somehow, because he hadn’t moved or tried to say anything stupid yet. “You’ve been hiding all this time?” 

“Me?” Vince asked when it became clear that she was talking to him, expected an answer, and that he didn't have one. “I ain’t been hiding nothing. I’m well famous in Camden.”

“But you have been,” Dawn said, sounding impressed. Vince’s chest filled with immense pride even if he didn’t understand what she meant. 

“I ain’t hid a day in my life,” he protested weakly. “I don’t even like hide and seek.” 

“It’s true,” Howard interjected, “he doesn’t like anyone not looking at him for that long.” 

“Not you,” Dawn said dismissively, “you.” She pointed at his chest. 

“You’re off your rocker,” Vince said. He somehow both knew and didn’t know what she meant by that. The thought was too much. He was frustrated and tired and worried. He didn’t like this. He just wanted to go home and watch telly. 

“You’re very powerful,” she said, and that was when everything changed. Her eyes darkened and Vince found suddenly that he couldn’t have looked away even if he’d wanted to. “You know that? You could rule. You could have everything you’ve ever wanted.” 

Vince swayed in place. Dawn’s eyes were very dark, it was like staring into the night sky, only like if the sky could stare right back at you. Her words were strange, too; he wasn’t sure if anyone else could hear them. Or maybe he was the only one that could understand them. Because he could see it. He felt some great power in his chest, calling out from some long-buried place. It was willing him to reach out and take. It was his after all, wasn’t it? All of it. Everything he wanted was already his.

“Then what?” he asked, certain that he was missing something important about her suggestion. There was something under her words. Like when Fossil told him that he had an opportunity for Vince’s advancement at the zoo when he wanted him to muck out the marmot cage again. 

She blinked, her mouth turned up. “Then you have the life you want. All the fame. All the adoration. Everything.”

“What do you get out of it?” Vince was finding it a little hard to concentrate. The warm glowing feeling in his chest was getting hotter while she spoke and the desire to give in to what she was saying was immense. But Vince had spent a lot of time waiting for clothes to be in the sale, and knew a lot about self-restraint. He held back. 

“Me?” she asked, the picture of innocence. “Nothing. Just what you choose to give me.” 

“I don’t understand,” he started to say, but changed his mind. “What do you want me to do?”

“My… boss,” Dawn said, but there was a word under the word - Vince could almost hear it - only it was too buried for him to reach it, “she’s been a right pain for years. I’d just like your help. Nothing big. Just want to get her fired. Then you can have it all. What do you say?” 

That did seem very reasonable. He was nearly nodding when something important occurred to him. “What about Howard?” Vince asked. 

Dawn blinked again, and Vince knew somehow that she was surprised he was still resisting. Her smile grew impossibly bigger. “Whatever you want, little princling.” 

It wasn’t the first time someone had called Vince a prince. Not by a long shot. But it was the first time the word felt quite so… powerful. Or so right.

There was buzzing. Vince couldn’t make out where it was coming from, but it was distracting. It sounded a bit like an out-of-tune radio. There were almost words coming through the hiss of static, but he couldn’t make them out.

“What do I have to do?” It would be easy, he knew. Whatever she was asking, it wouldn’t be hard. He just had to agree. There was a word, he knew it, bone deep. Like he knew when Howard was in trouble, or when a trend was just on the cusp of coming back in. There was a word he needed to say and then it would all click into place. He opened his mouth. 

“Vince!” There was a hand on his wrist and he was being tugged gently. 

He blinked down at the hand. It was familiar. Almost as familiar as his own. He looked up from it to Howard’s face. He blinked. And then everything snapped back into focus. He turned back to find Dawn glaring at him, face suddenly a lot less beautiful and a lot more furious. 

“What the hell?” Vince asked. A scorched circle at her feet of brown and dead-looking plants lay at her feet. Something very bad had happened while Vince had been distracted. 

“We need to leave,” Howard said, face pale and eyes as wide as they could go (they were nearly human sized). 

Naboo was now at Vince’s side, looking a little ruffled which was more than enough for Vince to agree it was time they left. The journey back seemed faster, but perhaps that was because Vince was distracted. Howard was a constant presence at his side, as though worried Vince was suddenly going to collapse or disappear in a puff of smoke. It would have been annoying, but Vince was feeling a little like he might disappear in a puff of smoke. 

“Well,” Howard said, when they were all back in the flat. “That was…” 

“Yeah,” Vince agreed, feeling a little glum. He slumped back into the nearest chair and looked down at his nails. He’d have to get them redone. 

“Naboo,” Howard began, “what…?” He ran out of words which Vince always found distressing. Howard was fussing with the kettle again, but Vince didn’t think he could handle anything to drink right now. 

Naboo sighed. “That was some bad juju.” He shook his head. “I didn’t realise that Vince would go all…” 

“Glowy ball of light and kill all the surrounding flora and fauna?” Howard asked, stilling where he was making the tea for a moment before seeming to jolt himself back into action. 

“Yeah, that.” Naboo sighed. “What stopped you, Vince? It seemed like you were going to go with her.” 

Vince gave a sidelong look at Howard and then shrugged. “It looked well boring in that portal. And I know shoulder pads are coming back next week and no way did I spend all that time sewing them into all my jumpsuits for nothing.” 

Howard let out a little nervous laugh. Vince appreciated the sentiment. They both knew it was a lie and neither of them seemed inclined to delve into it. 

“Do we need to worry about that happening again?” Howard asked, finally turning around and looking at Naboo. “And what about my mark?” 

Naboo shrugged. “I dunno. Not my area of expertise and you fried my only contact with the fae. But, from what I know, it’s mostly about intent. In theory now that Vince knows, he can just turn it off.” 

“Turn it off?” Vince asked, perplexed at the idea of being able to control something he didn’t even know he had until an hour ago. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Like you’ve had a massive siren on Howard’s back this whole time that’s calling to the other worlds. Now you can turn it off.” 

“What would that mean?” Vince asked, slowly. “No more adventures?” 

Howard frowned, but if it was at Vince’s reluctance or the idea of a truly boring life, Vince didn’t really want to know. 

“I don’t know,” Naboo shrugged again. “Did I mention this isn’t my area?” When Howard and he just kept staring at him, though, Naboo rolled his eyes. “I don’t think so. Unless that’s what you wanted.” 

“Is it?” Howard asked, looking at Vince now. 

It was Vince’s turn to shrug. “I don’t love having to bail you out of danger all the time.” Howard’s face fell and Vince’s heart soared a little. “But, I like…” He gestured. “I dunno. I don’t wanna be like other people either. That’s not us, we should be out there.” 

Howard smiled and that’s when Vince knew it was all going to be okay. “And Vince’s powers?” he asked. “Should we…. explore them?” 

“Fuck no,” Naboo said, suddenly fierce. “The last thing I need is you morons thinking you can control magic. I put a dampener on them the moment we got out of the woods. I suggest you forget all about it and I won’t have to tell the council about you and you won’t end up locked in a cell at Dennis’ while he experiments on you.” 

“Deal,” Vince said immediately. He had no desire to know more about what had happened in the woods. He’d seen the destruction and Vince hadn’t survived this long without a keen sense of self-preservation. He was happy with how he was. He didn’t need more nonsense to contend with than he already had. 

Howard looked surprised, but not upset and that was good enough for Vince too. 

There was a pause where they all waited for someone to object or something terrible to happen. It didn’t. 

“Right you two,” Naboo said, “downstairs. The shop won’t open itself. Bollo, let’s see about getting to Spain. We might still be able to make it in time for beer pong.” 

Bollo lumbered away and Vince looked up at Howard. “Come on then,” Howard said, perhaps a tad more gently than normal. “Let’s get going.” 

“Yeah,” Vince agreed, pulling himself up and following Howard down the stairs. But he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something important had happened, that it wasn’t quite right to just pretend that it hadn’t. “Hey, Howard?” Vince said. His voice came out all small and annoyingly uncertain to his own ears.

“Yeah?” Howard was already messing about with the till and turned to look at Vince as he reached him. “I’m sorry. You know, about accidentally marking you with magic and then drawing all them monsters to you and making them want to kill you. Or bum you. Or, you know, both.” 

Howard paused, hand still on the till. Then he shook his head and turned away. “Don’t worry, little man, we all make mistakes. And,” he stilled again, for a moment, “it’s not been all bad, has it?”

Vince grinned. “Nah. It’s not been all bad at all.” 

THE END


End file.
